Preacher Men Were An Important Element Of Life Back Yonder

The men of GOD are called many things by many different people. It may be that the flock call him Reverend, or Father or Pastor, maybe Padre or it be simply BROTHER. When I was but a simple lad all my folks called him Preacher Man. That was enough to cover a lot of ground because I have known a lot of Preacher men who did a great many other things besides "preachin."

Most tried to drown me it seems From about age five to age ten, I have been submerged in river, pond, creek, ditch and lake by Preacher men more times than a feeding duck. It had me checking often to see if I had grown gills. Every opportunity that my Aunt had to get me and her that's exactly' what she did. During the late twenties on into the thirties there forevermore some sort of preaching revival, song, festival, bible school, tent show, camp meeting or some activity going on combating sin and all were climaxed by a baptism. Needless to say my Aunt always found out about where and when and went Most of my early experiences with Preacher men usually started in tents but the real deal was that they always finished with the preacher man prying to drown me A huge tent would suddenly spring upon a vacant lot and wooden benches would be there to act as makeshift pews.

The church bell was a big 50 gallon oil barrel that was pounded on by a big stick with a huge rubber ball fashioned from rubber The rubber was from strips cut from an auto inner tube and wrapped on the stick. When some big dude swung that stick at that barrel you could hear it for miles and in a short time the people started coming in small groups to hear he preacher man. The Preacher man might stay for a week or he might stay the entire hot weather months according to how much money or food he could weasel out of folks. There was usually a few songs by quartet, trio and solo prior to the preacher up and on center stage. When the man of the hour took over a hush would fall over the huddled crowd. Hell fire and brimstone was painted into the congregation image including my own. Some of us boys always sat on the ground behind the ladies on the benches and we knew better than get out of line at such a sin chasten time As he warmed up his voice became louder and shriller and much faster until his words were almost running together while his face turned purple and eyes bugged. Two things held me spellbound- the first was how long the preacher could his wind yelling at the top of his lungs and not breathing. The other was watching the women start jumping, shaking and waving of the hands before going into a trance.

A man of the family was supposed to catch them to break their fall, this was their husband's duty. If the man did not catch them they sometimes landed in awkward positions. Once I was sitting on the ground at the end of a bench full of women. The biggest and fattest one jumped up, started shouting a unknown chant and went into a swoon and the husband missed catching her before she hit ME.I will never know whether the husband missed catching her on purpose but I wouldn't have caught he for a united states bona fide dollar- she looked like about a triple hernia catch.

I thought every rib in my body was broken and I couldn't breathe while clawing and screaming for her to get that fat off me. The tent was now alive with all the women jumping and dancing while the preacher sounded like a siren.

As the preacher man got louder and faster with his words the women were coming alive and more and more of them were going into a jumping, twisting dance ending up on the ground in a cloud of dust sometimes taking their designated catcher with them. I was still screaming for help and slipped in a few choice words learned from the older boys. That just may have saved my life because the two ton mammoth on top of me raised her head and said "quit using those bad words." As she raised up to get a look at my sinful face it was just enough for me to slip out of that position and kick free. I was not out of danger by any means because I was still in the tent of wild women and had to run, crawl, and slither through them to the tent door. As I got to the opening I heard the Preacher man shout that everyone inside the tent was pure and saved while those on the outside were losers and shameful sinners who would burn in hells fire. I paused for a split second to decide on whether to continue toward the outside that was full of sin or stay inside with the pure saved lot. I made the decision to get on out of there because hell was on down the line and the fat ladies were inside waiting to smother me right now. Never did cool fresh air taste so good and I gulped a huge lungful of precious air I watched through a slit and when I saw my Aunt begin to twitch her fingers I knew she was about ready to rejoin the human race so I sneaked back inside the tent but stayed close to the door in case I needed another fast exit.

She came out of it and never knew about my problems. I did not tell her and the fat lady was not about to mention it because she would have a hard time explaining while out. I notice a couple things after that- she always was positive that her husband was behind her to catch her and I always thought that he looked bent and haggard when I saw him around town. He looked as though he had too much of a load to bear I learned to check out every place that I ever entered after that. If I were to go to a meeting today I would get there early, pick out the chair closest to the door and be ready to move in an instant notice of any kind.

Buckle Up, Drive With Care, Put On A Life Jacket And I'll See You On The Lake.